Matt Damon Plays A Shouting, Raging, Beer-Chugging Kavanaugh On Saturday Night Live Season Premiere

Saturday Night Live kicked off its new season on Saturday night, and of course they picked the Brett Kavanaugh hearing as the topic of their cold open.

Actor Matt Damon played the Supreme Court nominee, portraying him as an angry drunk who doesn’t “know the meaning of the word ‘stop.'”

After being introduced at the Senate Judiciary Committee, Damon sits down, sniffs a few times, then yells “What?!”

“Let me tell you this: ‘I’m gonna start at an 11, I’m gonna take it to about a 15 real quick.”

“First of all, I showed this speech to almost no one, not my family, not my friends, not even P.J. or Tobin or Squee,” Damon said, referring to Kavanaugh’s high school friends who Christine Blasey Ford claims were present when Kavanaugh allegedly sexually groped her during a drunken party 36 years ago, when he was 17.

“I wrote it last night while screaming into an empty bag of Doritos.”

“I’m here tonight because of a sham. A political con job orchestrated by the Clintons, and George Soros, and Kathy Griffin — and Mr. Ronan Sinatra. Now I am usually an optimist, I’m a keg-is-half-full kinda guy. But what I’ve seen from the monsters on this committee makes me wanna puke, and not from beer.”

SNL moved on — for a moment, anyway — from the simplistic beer jokes to mock Kavanaugh’s childhood habit of keeping track of daily events in calendars, which he did to emulate his father.

“Dr. Ford has no evidence, none. Meanwhile, I’ve got these. I’ve got these calendars. These beautiful, creepy calendars about lifting weights with P.J. And Squee and donkey Donald Doug. But you don’t care about Squee or donkey Donald Doug, do you? You just want to humiliate me in front of my wife. My parents, and Alyssa freaking Milano,” Damon said. (Milano attended the hearing on Thursday.)

“Well guess what, I’m not backing down you sons of b****es. I don’t know the meaning of the word ‘stop.'”

SNL then mocked some senators — all Republicans, of course — before turning to Sen. Sheldon Whitehouse (D-RI), played by Pete Davidson, who asked about Kavanaugh’s yearbook entries before declaring they all stood for sex.

“Well that’s impossible because I didn’t have sex for many, many, many years,” Damon said. “All I did was drink a lot and not think about having sex at all. I was the proudest, drunkest virgin you’ve ever seen. And everyone can relate to that.”

Damon’s Kavanugh then raged: “You think I’m angry, you’re damn right I am. But you think I’m angry now, you just wait till I get on that Supreme Court because then you’re all going to pay. Give me a can of water.”

There were some more beer jokes, a reference to a childhood friend of Kavanaugh’s — Gang Bang Greg (made up, of course) — and some other juvenile jokes.

SNL did, though, mock Sen. Cory Booker (D-NJ), a 2020 presidential hopeful who grandstanded throughout the Kavanaugh hearings. Asked if he was ready to proceed with questions, he said, “I will not dignify this hearing with words. I will just show you one expression that I call the Booker look,” he said before pursing his lips and shaking his head.

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